Moms-to-be have this wonderful bonding experience available because they can actually feel their children growing inside them. They get to experience them moving around, causing breathing, stomach, bladder, etc. issues. (I didn’t say they were all good experiences ). What about us dads-to-be? We get the short end of the stick – unless you do something about it.

Granted, we won’t be able to feel the kids move until they get big enough, but that doesn’t mean we have to wait until then to begin bonding with them. I may sound like I’ve come straight from the looney bin on this one, but I actually talk to the twins every day. I have a nightly routine before bed where I get really close to Rebekah’s tummy, place my hand about where the kiddos are, and talk to them. I’ll tell them whatever’s on my mind – most of the time I’ll tell them that their job right now is to grow “big and strong”, and before they know it, they can come out and play. They can’t really hear me yet, but it’s still fun for me to think they can and to tell them things. We started a baby registry a few days ago and afterward I told them all the cool things that Dad put on there for them (even if Mommy told me not to in some instances).

Sometimes for fun, I’ll have my own little conversation with them – and make up their side of it. I’ll say something to them and then put my ear to Rebekah’s tummy to pretend like I’m listening to them. Then I’ll “translate” what they said for Rebekah. Sometimes it’s goofy stuff like they are having a fight with each other and Twin A is mad at Twin B because Twin B kicked Twin A (not old enough to know what they are yet, so I can’t call them by name). Other times if Rebekah is feeling crummy, I’ll tell her that the twins said “We’re sorry, Mommy, but we have to grow big!”.

Take it for what it’s worth, but it’s fun for me.

I had an odd thought this week as to becoming a father one of these days (sidenote:we’re still in a holding pattern for the clinics to talk to one another to arrange shipment) – what kind of legacy will I leave to my children? Well, not a legacy per se, but what traits of mine are going to be passed on? I got some of my parents finer (and not so finer depending on who you ask ) qualities. I always have said I got my book smarts from Mom and my street smarts from Dad – which both have done me well. However, I also got the good old streak of German stubbornness in there as well.

So, what of my finer/not-so-finer qualities would I like to pass down? I would hope they pick up on my work ethic as it was passed to me by my Dad. I take great pride in my work and make sure things get taken care of. To quote Dad, “Anything worth doing is worth doing right.” I’m sort of handy around the house, so I’d hope the kids would want to hang out with Dad and help with house projects and learn a little something so they could continue passing down that knowledge as it was passed to me by Dad.

Humor is another quality I’d hope to pass on. I love being a ham – and enjoy making people laugh. Just ask Rebekah and I’m the first one to act like a goofball just to get a laugh. Yet another quality I got from Dad.

I hope they pick up on some of my interests as well and want to share in those with me. I enjoyed helping Dad around the house, learning to cook from Mom (which has served me well – thanks Mom!!) as well as sharing in other activities with Mom and Dad such as bowling.

Anyway, no real point to this post other than I was just thinking over what qualities and interests of mine would my kids pick up and want to share in with me one day. Sometimes my wide ranging list of interests would probably over load the kids. Oh well, as long as one of them is a drummer it’ll all be good!

Does not being able to father my own biological children due to my condition make me any less of a man? Am I broken, or a failure as a husband? Well…I’m technically broken, but I’m not less of a man or a failure as a husband. I think Rebekah would attest to this as well.

I think most men have this stigma that going the adoption route admits failure or that they will never take to the children as they would their own. They hear adoption and get freaked out. Honestly, I have to admit that I was one of those at one time. When Rebekah and I first started dating and began talking about marriage, kids were a natural part of the conversation. Rebekah expressed to me during those talks that she had no problem going down the adoption route to have kids if need be. I was okay with that in theory, but not quite as chipper about it as she was. I still chalk it up to arrogance or ignorance or whatever that we would never have to go down that road.

Now fast forward a couple of years and we’re in the situation where adoption the best suitable route to start our family. There are still other medical procedures that we could have pursued to try to partially cure the azoospermia I’ve been diagnosed with, but most of them were very invasive for me – and I just didn’t want to be cut on again for “investigative” surgery. In my case, the Lord truly gave me a peace about the whole thing and opened my eyes up to the adoption idea. I whole-heartedly believe that adoption is the route we need to be pursuing and have begun doing so.

I’m not concerned with the children will not be genetic “little Erics and Rebekahs” – they’re still going to be my kids. I’m sure by having me as a father they’re going to inherit some of my “better” qualities that would not be genetic anyway (i.e. good ol’ German stubbornness).

For Rebekah and I the choice was easy to make. We could have sunk tons of money into doing all this medical testing and still not had children. At that point we’d be up to our eyeballs in debt, childless, and if we were lucky still talking to one another. That was a price that was too high for us to even consider paying for children. I love my darling wife too much to lose her and our life savings just to have genetic offspring. I just want to be a father, and that is more important to me than what the DNA composition of my kids is.

The bottom line for me is this – I’m not less of a man by adopting. I get to be a Daddy, Rebekah will get to be a Mommy and we’ll get to raise a family together in the Lord. It really doesn’t get much cooler than that!